Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize