Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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