If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
