Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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