you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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