I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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