how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
