Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
