I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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