her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
ttyl tear gas
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
