I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
