He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
