I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
