Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
