i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
