After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
