your parents love me but you hate me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
