I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
