omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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