she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
