I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
