i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
