I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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