New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
