found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
