She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
