I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
