I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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