mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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