Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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