Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You're like the curious george of whores
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
