Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
