my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
