I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
