Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
A+ Viking dick
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
