How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
