Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
