Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
why do cheetos always look like penises
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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