He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
