He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize