We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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