My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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