This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
