Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
