For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
