I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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