Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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