You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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