i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
