Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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