The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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