I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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