i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
