Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize