I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
