I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize