just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
