he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
