we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
