i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
