He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize