what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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