she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
