I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
we should paint friendship bongs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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