You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
