I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
