How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She bit a glass in half.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
