My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
