Can i not drive my cunt home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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