i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
