just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
