just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
